Recently, I lost a friend. On her way to being a dear friend, but unfortunately, she didn’t make it. This friend was wildly successful by just about any standard we seem to value in society. She was outgoing, adventurous, creative, friendly, revered and respected, well-financed, innovative, and many other adjectives.

A few days ago, I was privileged to have a conversation with deep listening expert Oscar Trimboli for the latest episode of Eggs (dropping later this week). Eggs is the weekly podcast I co-host with long-time friend Michael “DJ Ontic” Smith. The chat with Oscar was chock full of helpful tips and tricks for becoming a better listener. Also, he reinforced many long-held beliefs about the importance of listening in developing relationships both interpersonally and in business—although, is there really any difference?

You’ve heard it a thousand times before, “you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” This little nugget of wisdom attributed to the late, great Jim Rohn is a simple way of illustrating just how influential the relationships we have in our life can be.It’s funny sometimes just how nonchalant we can be with the people we share ourselves with. Often, we don’t even recognize the influence had on us by others—for good or for bad—until one day, we’re standing in the mirror wondering what the hell happened.

My whole life, I’ve identified as an introvert. Worse yet, as an introvert’s introvert. I’ve never been formally tested or anything. Still, like most, I am nervous public speaking, a little anxious before meetings, hesitant to ask for things, etc. By my definition, I’m still introverted. For the vast majority of people, introversion, extroversion, and many other types of -version rapidly become much more than a label you are given—usually by yourself. Some would call them crutches or excuses. I like to frame them as limiting beliefs.

We're human. And while we aren't given a handbook at birth with all the how-to's needed to successfully maintain ourselves, there are many truths that have emerged over millennia. We know we need to eat, sleep, drink, fuck, run, breathe and so on. And we know it because, if we go without any of those needs for too long, there is an insatiable hunger that comes over us and compels us to take action. To scratch the itch. These internal drives have informed the way humans have built the world around them. Nearly everything is designed and manufactured to satisfy a craving or a need - or a perceived need anyway. Our desires inform nearly every decision we make at any given time, and while they can be influenced by external stimuli, we are generally making choices that we at least believe will serve our need, whatever it may be.

Everywhere you look these days, people are espousing the importance of relationships. Moments later, they begin telling you how to hack, trick, or 10-step your way into one. It’s true, relationships are the key to just about everything one might hope to achieve in life, so it’s a no-brainer that much is written about them. However, despite many articles to the contrary, there are no shortcuts. You can’t fake authenticity and relationships that mean something require it.

March 2016 was a pivotal point for me not just in terms of business, but in terms of being a human and as we know the two are inextricably linked.I tell this story even though it makes me feel a little stupid or naive. I always feel insecure talking about this experience because it plainly admits just how wrong I was and how skewed my thinking was at the time. However I am grateful for this experience - maybe more than anything else I've experienced so far - as it completely changed the way we do business, and the way I live my life.

Recently, I had a conversation with a junior graphic designer. He was working as an in-house asset for a large regional home-builder. He expressed to me that he was feeling a little hamstrung in his current situation. He, along with his current marketing director (both young, green, and newish with the company), felt as if they weren’t being “heard” by the higher-ups.